w.e.n.n.y m.a.r.g.a.r.e.t.h.a n.u.s.a.w.a.k.a.n

Hidup gw berubah total,

i mean… sejak papi ku gak ada lagi, jadi banyak aja yang berubah, gw uda ga manadang sesuatu buat kepentingan gw doang, tapi buat kepentingan orang2 lain, kaya mami, kaka ade gw, sama temen2 gw

gw jarang keluar dari AUP sekarang, kalo keluar, paling ke paseo doang, makan2.. hehe.. ama beli groceries juga bisa di paseo, sekarang, apa2 ada semuanya disana

dan akhir2 ini, gw jadi tambah deket sama temen2 gw di dent.. ini alesanNya kenapa blog gw bahasa indo sekarang, karna malu kalo dibaca temen dent gw..hahaha

karna gw jarang keluar, gw keluar ama mereka2 terus, karna kita banyak kegiatan dental mission, ama field trips, sejak januari, kita uda 2 kali field trip, ke Elsie Gatches (tempat penampungan mentally disabled people) sama ke Dental lab (pabrik buat bikin gigi palsu :))

terus..kita juga ada dental mission setiap hari jumat, ama kadang2 hari senin, dan terakhir dental; mission tuh minggu lalu… dari hari senen ampe kamis, dr pagi ampe sore, non-stop kerja.. nyabut gigi, bersiin gig, sama tambal gigi,,, cape banget sih… tapi kayanya… seneng banget,,, rasanya hidup gw lebih berarti

*dental mission : memberi pengobatan gigi gratis, ke tempat2 sekitar AUP,CAVITE,LAGUNA..

gw ngerasa hidup labih indah aja, kenapa?

• Gw seneng, ngerasa puas kalo uda tambal/cabut/bersiin gigi.. rasanya yg gw lakuin itu berarti, buat gw dan buat pasien gw
• jadi tambah deket sama temen2 di dent, deket, as in DEKAT..haha
• jadi tambah deket sama guru2 di dent,, ama pekerja2 laen juga
• seneng karna biasanya gw keluaaaar terus, walopun cuma ke paseo, tapi tetep aja keluar dari AUP hanya supaya gak bosen.. tapi sekarang, di AUP 2 minggu straight gak kemana2, gw ngerasa biasa aja. haha
• seneng karna bisa belajar lebih banyak
• seneng karna bisa kenalan sama orang2 baru… ini dia part yang paling gw suka, gw kenalan sama dokter2 gigi dr lomalinda, dan mereka tuh bikin gw terinspirasi, beneran deh.. gw ngerasa kaya jatuh cinta (LEBAY!! haha) tapi beneran.. rasanya beda aja… gak cinta, tapi seneng. karna gw belajar hal baru, dan mereka baik banget.  Malah gw jadi kangen sekarang.
  
• gw seneng karna sekarang gw jadi lebih hemat, lebih bisa ngatur duit, karna temen gw di dent juga yang ngingetin dan menginspirasi kehidupan gw akhir2 ini
• intinya..gw seneng! walopun philippine lagi panas ajubilah… tapi kalo ada temen2 gw,, sama guru2 gw… jadi seneng! haha
• gw seneng karna gw ngerasa kalo hal2 yang gw lakuin sekarang lebih berarti..daripada dulu yg kerjaanNya jalan2 ke mall, nonton, gitu2 doang.

gw harap gw bisa tahan ky gini terus.. walopun manusia tuh katanya gampang berubah pikiran…

i’m luvin my lyf now..

Makasih Yesus..

HAVE U WATCHED THE AWAKE MOVIE PLAYED BY JESSICA ALBA? IT’S A SCARY MOVIEEE….

I’M STILL AWAKE AT THIS HOUR..AND THE GYM IS STILL NOISY.. I GUESS HALF OF AUP STUDENTS ARE STILL AWAKE..DANIEL TOLD ME THAT THEY’RE GONA STAY IN THE GYM OVERNYTE BECOS OF THE SOCIAL RECREATION THINGY…WELLLL… WHATEVER

I’VE ACCOMPLISHED MY MISSION TODAY, I’M DONE WITH THE TOOTH SETTING OF MY INTERIM DENTURE PATIENT, I’M DONE WITH ORTHOPEDO REPORT.. YAAAYYYY =D BUT I HAVE LOADS TO DO TOMOROOO.. IT’S OK.. I CAN DO IT!

PAST MIDNIGHT..

I GUESS I’LL HAVE THE MEMORY GAP SYNDROME AGAIN TOMORO.. WELL.. I JUZ KNEW THAT I’LL BE OK TOMORO..

I GOT REALLY RANDOM WHEN I’M SLEEPY.. LIKE NOW..

I MISS HIM EVERYDAY,,,,

CHECK THIS OUT

http://docwunney.wordpress.com/

BUBYE PEOPLE… GOTTA SLEEP

no class..no clinic…

i went to school this morning, and waited for my OP patient, while waiting, i went to the library to borrow an ortho book, but unfortunately i couldn’t borrow it becos i hadn’t pay the penalty for late returned book, yeap, i returned the books late cos i was absent for 2 weeks last January.

while i was in the library, all the instructors gathered there and told me that they will have a symposium and the clinic will be closed, cos of course, we cannot work without clinical instructor, after that, i went down to the clinic and my patient is there.

my patient is a lady, she is 75 years old and she is the wife of my CD patient who passed away 2 weeks after my dad passed, i was confused on how to tell her that i couldn’t treat her this morning, and i’m juz afraid that she would get disappointed cos she’s kinda old, so i was feeling unwell if i had to tell her to go home, but i told her anyway, and she said that it’s ok, then we settled for another appointment.

i’ve been thinking about the inevitability of the things that happened in this world. There will always be unavoidable things that will happen to your life, and no matter what you do, it will happen.

So what you could do to overcome those things are juz to face it, face it even when you’re so broken that you’d crawl to death juz to overcome it.

but of course there some things that are preventable.

i was doing my RPD cast requirement yesterday, so, what i did first was mixing the cement, plaster of paris + dental stone, and then to make is set faster, mix the water with salt. second, pour the cement in the cast former, 3rd, wait for around 15 minutes til it sets, and then remove the cast and knock down the tooth that is assigned by the instructor, then last, make the RPD framework.

so at first, i knocked down a wrong tooth, then i have to repeat the whole procedure again, and the second time, i was talkin with my friends while knocking down the tooth and then i knocked it wrong again, so i had to repeat the procedure for the 3rd time, and i was sure that i knocked down a right tooth, so i did the framework, after the framework was done, i checked the paper that was given by my instructor, and guess what? i knocked down a wrong tooth, AGAIN!!!

what da heck is wrong with me?! Reuel was asking me, “wenny, are you dreaming?” and i was thinkin,, yea maybe i daydreamed.

so.. i had to repeat the procedure one more time.

is kinda stupid to do the same mistake for 3 times straight, my roomate told me that i lacked concentration lately, and my friends told me that i am discouraged and that i have a low self esteem. what da heck? well.. it’s like the first time since 1986 that people other than my parents told me those things straight to my face.

i guess i’ve been living like zombie lately, doin somethin without knowing what i’m doing.

honestly though, it’s good that my friends told me that i’ve been stupid. so i could change for better.

to prevent the inevitable!!! haha (is that possible?)

i hope that all the sentences that i wrote is related,,.. cos i still have the zombie syndrome..haha

I suppose to have class right now, but as i said before, my teachers have a symposium, and we’re kinda free.

guess i shud knocked teeth down again!!!

great thursday

my dad.

i called him “papi”

Today is valentine’s day, and i want to write something special about someone i love so much

Nice and funny things about my daddy, I WILL never stop LOVING Him…

1. Bakso a.k.a Meatball! my daddy likes meatballs and during vacations, he always asked my mom, me n my sisters to go eat some meatballs and noodle at Bakso malang Karapitan, cihampelas walk or sometimes at setiabudi supermarket..we always go out to restaurants til i got typhoid fever last 2008…so, during the last vacation, we ate at our house more often..hehehe.
2. my daddy is religious, i mean.. among all the family member, he’s the most religious one, and he’s a good example for us cos of course he’s the head of the family and he’s playin a good role.  well.. i’ll make him happy, i’ll try my best to be religious.
3. my dad doesn’t know how to cook, so, he always make fruit juices for breakfast, like pineapple, papaya, strawberry, apple, mango, and whatever fruit that is there in my house, he’ll always serve us with fruit juices.
4. when he’s working, he will go to the hospital in the morning with my mom, and me and my sister always wake up a little later after they went out, and my dad always call us to remind us to drink the juice, eat breakfast, take the vitamin…etc… he even call juz to ask “have u take a bath?” OMG… i feel so broken without him.
5. i have similar abilities with my dad, both of us doesn’t really know how to cook, and to process food, so when my mom is cooking, i’ll help in cutting the vegetables and stuff, and i’m kinda slow, so my dad will always teach me how to hold the knife and how to cut it well, with a good shape of vegetable, so, when i cut the vegetables into a wrong shape, he’ll say “it’s not like that, juz go, let me do it” hehehe.. and i’ll go. haha.. i love my dad, SO MUCH! i’ll be the expert of cutting vegetables, like my dad! haha
6. my daddy is patient, me and my family likes goin to the malls to buy stuff, all of us except my dad are female, so of course when we shop, it WILL take a long time, Loooong time! but my daddy never complained, he accompanied us patiently, even when he’s sleepy, and most of the time, he’s the one who carried our things and we juz walk, talk, and shop, what a dad, i love him.
7. and when we went out and arrive at home late at night, he’ll carry our stuff, we juz go enter the house and sleep, he’s really nice and we’re spoiled.
8. my dad likes politics, he always ask me to watch news in TV together with him, and also some politics programs, he always said “wenny, let’s watch *this or that*, it’s nice…” and i usually prefer to watch drama. OMG.. what an attitude
9. and when i really wanted to watch telenovela and drama.. he’ll watch with me and he’ll react on the scene that i like, like romantic scene… he’ll say “i think i’m more handsome than that guy” or “wenny, u like that kind of guy? you should find a guy like me, handsome and cool” LOL.. i miss him.
10. oh,,,and when my dad knows what we like (for example, and actor : “Christian Sugiono”) he’ll find out stuff about him and he’ll tell us, haha…
11. during my last vacation with my dad, we talked a lot about obama, and i enjoyed it, i love my dad, and seeing or hearing about obama reminds me of my daddy, by the way, it’s obama, “obama” not samuel “barrack” K! LOL..hahahah
12. my daddy is like my friend, in our family, we usually eat breakfast, lunch and dinner together, i mean, we should always gather and sit around the dining table and eat together, during eating time, we talked and laugh and tease each other, we’re so close, and i never regret any single time that i had with my dad
13. my daddy loves me, he’s really nice, he knows what i want, for example when i was looking at his celphone, he said “wenny, u like it? ok…i’ll give it to wenny”…and some other stuff, i mean, he knows what i like even when i didn’t say it, when i stare at something, he’ll say “wenny, u like it?”,, i miss him sooo much!!!
14. My dad always accompanny me to the HOSPITAL, and i juz realized that i am 22 years old and i’m spoiled. i can’t go there without him, it’s like so scary to go to the doctor’s office without my dad, and even to the pharmacy, and i realized that i’m too old to be spoiled.
15. last time we went to the hospital, my daddy doesn’t want to accompany me even when i beg him with all my heart, and he told me “wenny, if i always accompany you everywhere, when will u become independent?” and i realized now, he’s right.
16. well… hhmmm… my dad is too nice, he always prepare hot water for me to take a bath, even during my last vacation (i’mm 22!!!, and he still prepare hot water for me?!!!)  and now, when i want to take a bath, i remember him, and i’m kinda addicted to hot water, couldn’t take a bath with cold water. i love my dad
17. my dad doesn’t want me and my sisters to watch harry potter cos it’s not good, and he’s right, we waste our time by watching that movie, and it’s addictive cos the story is kinda interesting
18. i bought a maroon shirt for my dad last christmas, and he loved it, and i feel happy that he likes it, me and my older sister brought it,, and i bought another maroon dress for me, and we wear it together during the 1st sabbath in the year 2009, and my mom let him wear it inside the coffin. i love maroon and i love my dad.
19. my grandfather and my great grandfather were killed when my dad was still young, and he forgave the killer, so… i will forgive myself, and whoever and whatever the cause of the death of my daddy, cos i love my dad, and he tought me how to forgive people, i love my dad.
20. when my mom is busy cooking and stuff and when my dad is dressing, he’ll always ask us (the children) if his shirt match with the pants and if it matches the tie… and i miss him, cos he usually chose unmatched colors which will make us laugh…and i miss those times,, so bad

Well… i think that is enough for today, i’ll write more later.. cos i don’t want to forget the good things that he had done for me, my mom and everyone,,,

my mom told me and my sisters that 4 of us are too spoiled, and maybe that is the reason why God took my dad away, for us to learn to be more independent and religious. God, please help us!!

hhhmmm… this day is memorable, cos the only person that i adore in this valentine’s day is my papi, my daddy,,,I LOVE you so much papi, and i will try hard and harder to be a good and religious person, so that i could go to heaven to see you agan,,, love ya

so..i was browsing the internet last night and i didn’t know what else to surf, so i tried to google my dad, i typed “Johny nusawakan” in the google box and entered it… there are some sites writing about my dad, one of those is the adventist site, they wrote about my dad’s history in indonesian language, and i felt irritated becos they its written there that the cause of dead is because of “car accident after he accompanied his daughter to the soekarno hatta airpot”

mmm… that’s true, but it’s kinda sad to always remember that i am the cause of that incident, well… people told me and i knew that it’s God’s will,, i’m still sad tho.. cos it’s really like a dream, still can’t believe that my dad is gone, i mean, i was distanced from him cos i study here but we’re still close, as in close.

whattttever…

today is valentines’s day, and i want to write something special,

the things that i love about my daddy..ok… i’ll do it on the next post..hehe

reuel juz txt me that we’ll have exam tomorrow.. i don’t wanna be unecessarily stupid but really, the memorizing capacity of my brain is decreasing.. becos of my weird lifestyle lately.. i am really confused, i wanna do some things that could make me a better me.

like studying.

unfortunately, i’m not in aup, there’s no book here and basically, orthopedo, dentistry and aup sucks.

aup reminds me of a lot of things, of course.. i live here for around five in a half years and during the 1st 3 years, i live with my parents, in apartment D-11.

this is my 3rd blog today and i’ve been thinkin,,, if i don’t take this stupid dentistry course, i would’ve graduate on 2007… aahhhh…. I HAVE 2 MOVE ONNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!

but seriously, i am sick of this country and everything here.

but i kinda love my friends here.. they’re good people.

i shouldn’t regret anything…cos it’s not good and it’s useless..

i hope my family will call me soon.. i missss them…

i can do it!!!!

i will be a happy me!

i’ve been reading some people’s blogs.. juz to strengthen myself n to remind me that i’m not alone.. i’ll paste the one i like..

here it comes!

Both my mom and one of my closest friends died in 2003, and it took me awhile to stop being angry and grieving on a pretty much constant basis.

To begin with, I was shocked and hurt at their deaths. The shock lasted several months in my case, due to the manner in which each of them died.

When grief came, it hit hard. I would break down crying at simple, everyday things - the card aisle in the store, stacked with Mother’s Day cards; or a song on the radio that we’d had a private joke about. Sometimes I would run into people who didn’t know about the death, but had known one of them casually. They would ask after her, and the painful explanations would follow.

Now it’s 2008. Five years have passed, and I am accustomed to their absence.

The only real answer I can give you is: time. You will grieve, you must grieve. But go on living your life, doing all the things that need to be done. Try to go out with your friends - eventually the pantomimed motions of enjoyment will become real.

Remember that you are not dishonoring their memory by smiling or laughing and continuing on. If they loved you, then they wanted you to be happy. It will always hurt a little when you think of them, when you look at your life and see what they have missed. This is part of human growth.

Trust me, you don’t want to “get over” the death of a loved one. That would be tantamount to forgetting them. You want to honor their memory by continuing with a rich and full life that they would be proud of.

as time goes by, i’ll move on..

God will take care of me

well… as time goes by, my life is getting weird-ER… is that a word? whatever.. but i thank God that i’m still living in this tiring world.. even if i’m tired, God knows that i could bear this burden with his help

hey, i’m not the only one who have problem,,, there are A LOT of people who have a miserable life

i am blessed

I have my mom and my sisters

i can eat 3X a day

i have a lot of good friends

i can go to school

i have a great God

well.. i was disappointed with God, but i realized that all things work for our good, tho sometimes we can’t see how they could, struggles that break our hearts sometimes blind us to the truth…God knows what’s best for me

i still don’t understand why my life is changed drastically, i don’t get it and i hate it so much, but i have no choice, i have to accept this.. and i have to be more religious, cos i really need God, so much

as i said before

I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right

life goes on

and i have to face it

God will help me…

thank you God

i feel like living in somebody else’s life

i miss myself

and i dont know how to be myself again

i have to be happy like b4

i didn’t plan to go home, but i’m here.. in indo =D

well, things didn’t go as i planned, i got lonely in the phils, that’s why i went home immediately! haha.. but, i have this weird feelings now, i kinda miss phils, esp AUP =D

i am undecided and unstable, that’s what people told me lately, i’m so gonna change!

year 2008 had been a tough year, i mean, i’ve never feel like this before, i made a lot, A LOT of mistakes, in my studies and in my life, i didn’t pay so much attention to almost everything and i did wrong things, no need to explain everything but i regret the things i did in 2008, not all, but some.

i went to church yesterday, with my family, and i listened to a seminar (after church) well, the speaker is a filipino, and i feel like in PIC, eventho i’m home.. and he said that we should be thankful in everything, cos adventists supposed to be happy people, and i guess, he’s right.

he also said that when you sing and listened to music, you should realize that music was created to WORSHIP God, so, any kind of music that will bring you to something other than worshiping God is not really good, even love songs, some love songs are OK, but some will bring us to a hopeless feelings, so, it’s not good to listen to that kind of songs.

so, i realized that most of my songs in my mp3 is so.. i don’t know what to say, it’s so wrong, and i think i should erase it.